


I just wanted to tell you

by mothicalcreatures (laelreenia), TransWizard



Category: X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men - All Media Types, X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) - Fandom, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Anti-Mutant Sentiments, Established Relationship, Just Bear With Me, M/M, Mutant Hate, Mutant Registration, it's kind of a weird au that i haven't completely thought out yet, they have to state on their IDs that they're mutants
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-23
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2018-03-19 07:02:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3600729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laelreenia/pseuds/mothicalcreatures, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TransWizard/pseuds/TransWizard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Person B knowing they’re undoubtedly about to die within the next few seconds, likely from the gaping wound they’re bleeding out from. Instead of calling for help, they phone Person A and carry on a casual conversation as if nothing is wrong, making sure to mention how much they love them before their time runs out.</p>
<p>Featuring Sean as Person B and Alex as Person A</p>
            </blockquote>





	I just wanted to tell you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Murf1307](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Murf1307/gifts).



It was cold and it was rainy, and Sean was seriously regretting his lack of an umbrella. In his defense the forecast hadn’t said rain, so he hadn’t thought he’d need one. That is, until it had started pouring mid way through his last class of the day. He’d really hoped it was just going to be one of those quick fifteen to twenty minute downpours. But that hadn’t been the case, the rain still hadn’t let up by the time is class got out, and Sean had been left with no choice but to walk home in the pouring rain. Calling Alex for a ride was out of the question, since Alex wouldn’t be getting off work until close to nine.  

Sean took a different route home than he normally did, taking various shortcuts through side streets and alleys, anything to make it home quicker so he could get out of the rain and get dry.

He ducked into another alley way, determined to get out of the rain as quickly as possible. He’d only taken two steps, however, before he felt a hand grab his shoulder and he was flung unceremoniously against the wall behind him. Sean let out a hiss as his head collided with the wall.  

“Look what we have here Mikey?” a voice said, as the man who’d thrown Sean against the wall entered his line of vision.

“Looks like someone’s lost, huh?” a second voice taunted.

Stars were swimming in Sean’s vision, and he let himself lean against the wall for support so he wouldn’t stumble. He didn’t notice that the two men had stepped out of the shadows towards him. “Mikey grab a hold of this guy so he doesn’t run off. He looks like a rich kid, might have some cash on him,” the first man said.

Mikey gave a curt nod yanking a still dizzy Sean away from the wall, securing Sean’s arms firmly behind his back so he couldn’t escape. Sean was at a disadvantage, both of the men were much stronger and much larger than he was. Sure he wasn’t exactly lacking when it came to height, but Sean had always been a beanpole and rather lacking in physical strength.

The first man stepped towards Sean, getting in his face before turning his attention to the bookbag that had slid from Sean’s shoulder when he’d been thrown into the wall. The man rifled through it, “He’s a student alright, smart enough not to walk around late with his laptop though.” He kicked the bag to the side, “Let’s see what the kid’s got in his wallet.”

Mikey chuckled darkly, tightening his grip on Sean, “We’re gonna take your credit cards and all the cash you’ve got on you, and then maybe if we’re satisfied, Austin here won’t gut you.”

Austin started patting down Sean, feeling at his jacket pockets before moving on to his pants. “Gotta be here somewhere,” Austin muttered, he was getting angrier by the second. He eventually located the wallet in the back pocket of Sean’s jeans. He waved the wallet taunting in front of Sean’s face, “Found it.”

Sean squeezed his eyes shut, everything inside of him was screaming to fight back and run for it, but he figured he had a better chance of getting out unscathed if he didn’t fight and just let them take what they wanted. He knew he had a few dollars in his wallet they could take.

“How much he got?” Mikey asked over Sean’s shoulder.

There was a moment of silence as Austin flipped open the wallet, “Fuckin’ four dollars, that’s it? No cards?” the man paused, a sick grin spreading on his face as he pulled out Sean’s ID, “Well well well, what do we have here? A mutie, huh? Looks like tonight just got a lot more interesting.”

Sean swore, he’d forgotten about his ID, which was stamped with a lovely red M to declare his status as a mutant. “Come on, just let me go,” He begged,   “You’ve got all the money I have. Take my phone, it’s in the side pocket on my bag, just take it and let me go.”  He tried to struggle against Mikey’s grip, but he was held too securely to get anywhere.

Austin laughed at Sean’s futile attempts to free himself, “You think we’d pass up an opportunity to fuck with one of you freaks?” he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a switchblade, “Takin’ care of you will be a pleasure.”

Sean started struggling again, trying desperately to free himself from the iron grip holding him back. Austin surged forward flipping the blade open and pressing it to Sean’s throat, “You hold still and this won’t hurt as much.”

Sean stilled immediately, short of using his mutation he couldn’t see away out of this that would end well for him, and using his mutation was out of the question. Even if he could claim self defense he’d still likely land in jail for “using excessive force to assault a non mutant”. It was rare that laws passed were ever in favor of mutants. Sean and Alex had had to jump through so many hoops just to be able to attend a regular university.

Austin began lightly trailing the blade over Sean’s face, not hard enough to draw blood, but hard enough for Sean to know that the possibility was there. “You think you’re better than us, just because you’ve got special ‘powers’, but you’re just a freak, and I’m gonna make sure everyone knows it,” he flashed a wide, menacing smile before he dug the knife into Sean’s face just above his eye.

Austin sliced downwards, leaving a long bloody gash right next to Sean’s eye. Blood oozed down Sean’s face as Austin continued to make cuts above and around Sean’s eye. Sean bit back a sob as Austin roughly wiped the blood away from Sean’s eye in order to get a better look at his handiwork. “M for Mutant,” Austin smirked, “Now everyone who sees your face will know just what you are.”

“Fuck you,” Sean spat.

Austin just laughed, “You’re not exactly in a position to say shit like that to us. Freak.” He took the switchblade and trailed it down Sean’s chest, leaving a trail of blood down the front of Sean’s jacket.

“So what do we do with him now?” Mikey asked, “Do I get to have a go at him?”

“Sure thing,” Austin grinned, “We just gotta make sure he can’t run when you let him go.”

Sean didn’t even have time to react before Austin had rammed the knife into his side.Sean let out a sharp cry, shattering a nearby streetlamp and plunging the alley into darkness. Mikey jumped, his grip on Sean loosening, “Shit man, did he do that?”

“Doesn’t matter if he did it or not,” Austin hissed, “Someone’ll have heard that.”

Sean’s knees buckled under him and he sagged forward in Mikey’s grip. Mikey didn’t bother trying to hold Sean up and let him fall to the ground.

“Let’s get out of here,” Austin said, glancing over his shoulder, “We don’t wanna risk gettin’ caught.”

Mikey was about to complain about not having his turn yet, but when police sirens started in the distance, he thought better of it. He wrenched the knife out of Sean, giving the injury a solid kick, before he and Austin both took off out of the alley.

Sean dragged himself over to where the two men had tossed his bookbag. His side screaming in agony every time he dragged himself forward. He collapsed upon reaching his bag, unable to hold himself up even a little bit anymore. He fumbled around blindly trying to locate the pocket where he’d stuck his phone. When he did find it he very nearly dropped it in a puddle. It had stopped raining sometime during the attack, but well, Sean had been a bit too preoccupied to notice.

His vision was blurry from all the blood in his eye, but he was still able to see well enough to call the one person he had on speed dial. Alex. He set the phone on the ground next to his head as it started to ring.

Sean didn’t really have high hopes that Alex would answer, he was at work after all. If he didn’t answer Sean could always leave a message, but it wouldn’t be the same as actually getting to talk to him. Sean breathed a sigh of relief when he heard the click that meant Alex had picked up.

“Hey, I wasn’t expecting you to call, what’s up? Is everything alright?”

“Yeah,” Sean lied, trying to steady himself so he wouldn’t give anything away, “Everything’s fine. Just wanted to call you.” Even if he did let Alex know that he’d been attacked, Alex’s workplace was too far away for Alex to make it to him in time.

“Oh yeah?”

Sean smiled, he could practically hear the grin in Alex’s voice, “Yeah. I just realized I hadn’t said ‘I love you,’ for a while, an’ I wanted to say it.” Sean was starting to feel more and more lethargic, and he really hoped that he wasn’t slurring his words.

Sean heard Alex chuckle, “Sap.”

“Yeah, but you love me,” Sean said softly. He felt more tired now than in pain.

“I do,” Alex said, “I really do. Hey, I’ve gotta go, my breaks ending, I’ll see you when I get home yeah?”

“Yeah,” Sean breathed, “I might- I might be asleep though.”

Alex chuckled again, “Yeah, you sound wiped out. I promise I won’t hold it against you if you’re asleep when I get home. Love you.”

“Love you too,” Sean murmured, though he wasn’t sure he’d said it loud enough for Alex to hear.

Everything after that was just a blur of pain and numbness. He didn’t try to move, and he didn’t bother trying to call 911. Calling 911 was only productive if you were a normal human, and Sean didn’t think he had enough energy to anyways. It wasn’t long before the darkness that had been creeping on the edges of his vision came in an enveloped him completely.

It was an hour before the police were alerted to a body found in an alley roughly two and a half miles from the edge of the university’s campus.

 

Alex had never watched the clock at work more intently than that night, and Angel teased him mercilessly for it.

“You getting laid tonight or something?” Angel asked, as she and Alex prepared to leave.

Alex snorted, shaking his head, “No, I’m just excited to get home.”

“And? That can’t be everything.”

“Sean called me while I was on break to tell me he loved me,” Alex said, a flush spreading across his cheeks.

“Oh so you are getting laid tonight,” Angel teased.

Alex gave Angel light hearted glare, “Why are you so interested in Sean’s and my sex life?”

“I’m not interested per say, I just want to know what Sean telling you he loved you has got you so giddy,” Angel replied with a small shrug.

“I’m not giddy,” Alex muttered under his breath.

“You keep telling yourself that,” Angel said grinning, “Well I’ll see ya later, my bed is calling.”

“See ya,” Alex called out as Angel started walking off.

Alex sighed, he knew Angel wasn’t doing it to be rude, but sometimes it did bother him how forward she could be sometimes. It reminded him a bit too much of  how Raven had hovered and hounded him about relationships after Darwin had died. Okay sure, wallowing in grief and guilt for three years wasn’t healthy, but he’d been able to pull himself out of that. It had just taken a while. Now he had Sean and things were finally starting to fall into place, he was feeling good about life which was not something he’d really allowed himself to feel since Darwin’s death. He took a deep breath, trying to clear his head as he walked, it wouldn’t do him any good to dwell on that. He’d spent three years dwelling on it and wallowing in misery because of it, and he wasn’t about to do it again.

The walk home wasn’t a long one, it wasn’t particularly short either, but it wasn’t so long that Alex didn’t mind walking it every once and a while. It was a good way to clear his head, and with his thoughts occupied the walk didn’t seem quite so long. He was just glad it had stopped raining before he’d gotten off, he would have hated to have to walk home in the rain.

Half an hour later he found himself at his front door. All that walking had made him realize how tired he was, he never got how Sean could handle a full day of classes from eight am to six pm. Alex had always strived to never have more than four hours of classes a day, though that also had something to do with the fact that Alex had to work full time just to put himself through college. Sean’s uncle took care of most things for him, though Sean did have a part time job to cover what his uncle didn’t.

Alex unlocked the door, kicking off his shoes as soon as he was inside. He paused when he noticed that Sean’s shoes weren’t by the door. Alex grinned as he wondered briefly if Sean had fallen asleep with his shoes on. It wouldn’t have been the first time it had happened, and Sean had sounded completely wiped out when they’d talked on the phone earlier.

Alex took extra care to be as quiet as he could as he padded through his and Sean’s apartment. He left his bag and jacket on a chair in the kitchen, since the table was a mess of papers and textbooks and a half finished plate of food that Alex could only assume was Sean’s attempt at breakfast from that morning. Sean had been long gone by the time that Alex had woken up for his first class of the day, and Alex hadn’t bothered grabbing breakfast before he’d left. Alex dumped the remains of the food into the trash and deposited the plate in the sink before he headed to their bedroom.

The door to their bedroom squeaked something awful and so Alex took care when he opened it so he wouldn’t wake Sean. Not that a noise like that could wake Sean, Sean could sleep like the dead when he wanted to. Alex was about to close the door behind him, when he noticed something that made his stomach drop. Sean wasn’t there. Alex was back out of their room in an instant. The only other place that Sean might have fallen asleep was on the couch, but when Alex entered the living room Sean was still nowhere to be seen.

Alex bolted into the kitchen, grabbing his phone from the pocket of his jacket. He had three missed calls all from the same number, but it wasn’t a number he knew. He ignored them and tried calling Sean. Alex swore when his call was immediately directed to Sean’s voicemail, he tried five more times before he gave up and tried calling Charles instead.

“You’ve reached the Xavier Institute for Gifted Youngsters, the school proper is closed for the evening, if you have the extension of a specific party you are trying to reach you may enter it, if not you can leave a message or contact the school anytime from-”

Alex punched in Charles’ extension but that too redirected to voicemail. Alex swore calling again, and trying Hank’s extension this time. Hank did pick up.

“Alex? Why are you calling so late?”

“Do you have any idea where Sean might be?”

“I- no, I haven’t seen or heard from him since he came up to pick up the package his mother sent him last week. Why?”

“I can’t find him. He said he was going to sleep, but our bed hasn’t been touched since I made it this morning.”

“And he’s not on the couch?” Hank asked.

“You think that wasn’t the first place I checked?”

Alex heard Hank sigh on the other end of the line, “I wish I could help you, but I really have no idea where he could be. Have you tried Raven?”

“No, I haven’t, it’s just, when we talked on the phone he really made it sound like he’d be home,” Alex ran a hand through his hair, his heart was racing and the hand that wasn’t holding his phone was shaking.

“What did he say, exactly?”

“He said he might be asleep by the time I got home.” Alex shoved his bag off the chair and sunk down into it.

“There’s no chance he went out somewhere?” Hank worried his lip, it wasn’t like Sean not be where he said he’d be.

Alex shook his head, before realizing that Hank was on the phone and couldn’t see that, “No, I mean, I don’t think so. He would have texted me or left a note or something.”

“I’m assuming you’ve already tried calling him.”

“Yeah, multiple times. It just goes straight to voicemail.”

“And has he called you since you talked earlier?”

“Not unless he’s calling from a number I don’t recognize, ‘cause someone did call me three times while I was at work.”

“Maybe Sean’s phone died, and he got laid up somewhere and tried to call you?” Hank suggested, though knowing Sean it seemed like a stretch.

“Yeah, maybe. I’ll call back when I get off the phone with you.”

“Alright, let me know when you find him.”

“Yeah, I will,” Alex promised.

Hank and Alex exchanged goodbyes before Alex hung up to call the number that had called him earlier.

Alex pulled up his missed messages on his phone, apparently whoever had been trying to get ahold of him had called again while he was talking to Hank. He hesitated for a moment before hitting, ‘return call’.

When the man on the other end of the line picked up, all the blood drained from Alex’s face. It was the police department.

Alex’s first panicked thought was that Sean was hurt or dead but he tried to rationalize it and tell himself that maybe Sean had just gotten arrested, because bullshit arrests were things that tended to happen to mutants. A lot. He was doing his best to keep from panicking until the man asked if he was the Alex Summers who was listed as Sean’s emergency contact.

“I-I am.”

“Good, we need you to come down to the station to claim your friend’s body.”

Alex was in shock, he couldn’t have heard that correctly, “I-I’m sorry could you repeat that?”

“We need you to come down to the station to claim your friend’s body, he was found dead in an alley a few hours ago.”

Alex felt like he was going to be sick. There was no way this could be happening, he had talked to Sean less than three hours. He couldn’t be dead, he just couldn’t be.  

“Sir are you still there?”

“Yeah-yeah, I-I’m here,” Alex managed to get out, “I’ll be down-,” he took a shuddering breath trying to hold back tears, “I’ll be down as soon as I can.”

There was the click, telling him that the officer had hung up the phone, and for a few moments after, all Alex could do was stare at the phone in his hand. None of it felt real, it felt like a sick dream, maybe he’d fallen asleep at work and any minute Angel would be along to dump a bucket of cold water on his head. But nothing of that sort happened, he was still sitting in the kitchen of his and Sean’s apartment as dry as dry could be, with his phone telling him that he’d just been on the phone with the police station.

 

The trip down to the station was a blur, it didn’t quite seem real no matter how many times Alex reminded himself that it was. Part of him still couldn’t bring himself to believe that Sean was dead, and it wasn’t until he saw Sean’s body in the morgue, that it really sunk in. Alex felt sick. He didn’t know what he’d expected, but it hadn’t been this. It had never been this. Never Sean lying cold and unmoving on a metal slab, a gruesome M carved into his face. Alex squeezed his eyes shut, trying to call up memories of Sean when he’d been alive, when he’d been happy. It didn’t work. Sean’s mutilated face was seared into his mind, and even with his eyes closed that was all he could see.

Alex felt like he was drowning, everything had happened so fast. It was so sickeningly overwhelming he didn’t know how he was supposed to cope. He was trembling as one of the officers led him back into the station, and Alex collapsed into the first chair available. He knew he had to call Hank again. There was nothing Alex could do on his own, or at least very little. And besides, he had promised Hank he’d call him when he found Sean.

Alex’s hands were shaking as he made to call Hank, and it took him a couple tries before he was able to make the call successfully.

“Did you find him?” were the first words out of Hank’s mouth when he answered the phone. And it hurt, to hear it asked so casually. Alex felt like his chest was constricting and he found himself unable to take deep enough breaths to calm him himself properly.

“Alex?”

“Yeah-yeah, I’m here. Sorry,” Alex muttered, playing with a loose string on the hem of his shirt.

“Is everything alright? Did something happen?” Alex’s lack of an answer was making Hank nervous. If he’d hadn’t been worried before he definitely was now.

“Sean’s-” Alex squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn’t say it. If he said it that would make it real, and it couldn’t be real. It just couldn’t be.

Hank felt a knot tighten in his stomach, “Alex what happened.”

“Sean-” Alex wiped roughly at his eyes, “Shit, I can’t- Hank I can’t- I just- You need to wake up Charles and get down to the police station. Hurry.”

There was a loud crash on Hank’s end of line as Hank rushed out of the room.

“We’ll be there as soon as we can, just stay put.”

“Yeah,” Alex mumbled, before hanging up. Part of him wanted to hurl his phone across the room, but there were several reasons that was a bad idea so he just dropped his hand to his lap. He started half-heartedly flicking through various apps, not really paying attention to any of them. Anything to try to distract himself. Eventually Alex just gave up trying and shoved his phone into his pocket. He slumped forward in his seat, burying his face in his hands. After a few deep, shaky breaths that did absolutely nothing to calm him down, Alex started crying.

 

Alex was still hunched over in his seat when Charles and Hank arrived, and while he had stopped crying by then it was clear to see that he had been. Almost immediately Alex could feel Charles in his head, even before Charles asked if Alex was alright.

All Alex could do was shake his head, pushing the events to the forefront of his mind so Charles could access them. Alex wasn’t about to say any of it out loud and he made sure Charles knew that.

“I’ll go talk to the police,” Charles said aloud, resting a hand on Alex’s shoulder.

Alex flinched away from Charles, shifting out of his reach. He didn’t want anyone touching him right now.

Charles drew his hand back, not wanting to distress Alex more than he already was. “I’m sorry, Alex.”

Alex just nodded mutely. Not trusting himself to say anything without breaking down again.

He heard, more than saw, Hank sit down next to him.

Neither one said anything for several minutes, and in the end it was Alex who broke the silence, “Did Charles?” he gestured to his temple.

Hank nodded, “Yeah. I- What did the police say happened?”

Alex shook his head, “They wouldn’t tell me anything more than that he was attacked.”

“Charles should be able to get more information,” Hank said, sounding more confident than he felt.

“I don’t know how much more information there will be,” Alex replied.

“They have to have something.”

“No they don’t,” Alex muttered,  “We’re mutants, you think they care what happens to us?”

“Alex, not all humans-”

“Don’t give me that Hank, just don’t,” Alex snapped, getting to his feet. He made to walk away, but Charles called out to him telepathically to get him to stop.

‘Alex, could you come over here? Just for moment, I promise. Then you can leave.’

Alex swallowed heavily, glancing over at Charles who gestured for him to come over. He hesitated for a moment, before relenting and walking over to where Charles was talking to a police officer.

‘I got them to release Sean’s things for you,’ Charles told him.

Alex just nodded, not giving a mental or verbal response, as the officer passed Sean’s bag over to Alex.

“His phone and wallet are inside,” the officer told him.

Alex nodded again, muttering a ‘Thank you’ under his breath. He didn’t like police officers at the best of times.

‘You should head home, I can take care of the rest.’

Alex let out a deflated sigh, before walking out of the station without responding, Sean’s bag slung over his shoulder. He slumped down on a bench out front. He didn’t want to head home, not yet anyways. Going home meant having to face an empty apartment full of Sean’s things. It meant having to face the fact that it would only be his apartment anymore.

 

Alex was still seated on the bench when when Hank and Charles emerged half an hour later.

“I thought I told you to head home,” Charles said softly when he saw Alex.

“I couldn’t bring myself to,” Alex admitted.

“We could drop you off on our way back, if you wanted,” Hank offered.

Alex pulled himself to his feet, “I guess I have to go back sometime,” he sighed. If it had been left up to him, Alex would have spent the rest of the night just wandering aimlessly through the city, but he had a feeling that Charles and Hank weren’t about to let him do that.

 

Alex didn’t talk for the entire ride back to his apartment, despite varied effort from Hank and Charles to make conversation. He did speak up at one point, when Charles had decided to see if Alex was willing to have a mental conversation instead of a verbal one. He hadn’t, and he’d snapped at Charles maybe more harshly than he should have. He wasn’t really in a position to care though.

When they pulled up in front of Alex’s apartment building Hank asked if Alex wanted to spend the night up at the mansion, “So you don’t have to be alone,” Hank added hastily, when Alex glared him.

Alex sighed, climbing out of the car, “I don’t want to be around anyone right now.” He shut the car door before Hank had a chance to respond.

When Alex got up to his apartment, he was only half surprised to find that the door wasn’t locked. Everything had been such a blur, Alex couldn’t even remember closing the door. He went through the routine of coming home on autopilot. Shoes left by the door, door locked behind him. He almost left Sean’s bag in the kitchen next to his own, but decided to take it with him into the bedroom instead.

Inside the bedroom Alex tossed Sean’s bag onto the bed, before collapsing next to it. It was finally starting to sink in that this had actually happened. He didn’t want to believe it, but part of him also knew from past experience, that the longer he denied it the harder it would be to accept in the end. But that wasn’t something that Alex could handle thinking about right now.

There was a buzzing noise from Sean’s bag. His phone, Alex realized with a grimace. Alex sat up, fishing through Sean’s bag until he found the phone. It was in a plastic bag, and it took Alex a moment for Alex to realize why. There was a smear of blood across the front of the phone. Alex felt queasy, blood on Sean’s phone could only mean one thing. Sean had been injured when he called Alex. Sean had called him instead of calling for help. He hadn’t been tired, he’d been dying. Alex let out a choked sob, his hand coming up to cover his mouth as tears started flowing for the second time that night.

Sean’s phone buzzed again, Raven’s face lighting up the screen. Alex hesitated, not sure if he should answer. When Sean’s phone started buzzed a third time Alex yanked the bag open so he could answer Sean’s phone. He wiped his face as dry as he could before answering Sean’s phone. He grimaced when he swiped over the dried blood on the screen.

“Sean! Finally, I’ve been trying to get ahold of you all night,” Raven’s voice rang out from the phone, “You were supposed to come to the show tonight. Don’t tell me you fell asleep.”

Alex swallowed, he’d completely forgotten about that, Raven was in the theater department and tonight was the opening night of the Fall show. Sean had promised to go, but Alex had been unable to because of work.

“Hello? Sean? You there?”

“It’s Alex.”

“Oh, so he is asleep then.”

“No he- he’s- Something happened,” Alex said, his voice cracking slightly.

“Is Sean okay?” Raven asked, “Please tell me he’s okay.”

Alex took a deep, shuddering breath before responding, “He’s dead, Raven.”

“Alex that’s not funny. Don’t joke about something like that.”

“I’m not,” Alex said, he was getting choked up again, “I wish I was, but I’m not.”

“Oh god. Oh my god. What happened? When did it happen?”

“He-” Alex swallowed again, “He was attacked… walking home from class.”

“Mugging gone wrong?” Raven queried, but the tone of her voice implied that she assumed there was more to it.

“Maybe to start, but- Raven whoever did this carved an M over his eye.”

“It was a hate crime,” Raven spat, “And the police aren’t doing anything are they.”

“No they’re not,” Alex said with a sigh.

“Of course they’re not,” Raven sighed, a small sniffle the only indication that she was crying, “What happens now?”

“I don’t know, Charles is dealing with the technical stuff, I just- it hasn’t really sunk in yet, y’know. It doesn’t seem real.”

“Yeah, I-I know what you mean,” Raven sighed again, “I’m gonna go to bed, or try to anyways. You will call me if you need anything?”

“I will,” Alex promised.

“I’ll hold you to that.”

“Yeah. Night.”

“Night.”

Alex hung up the phone, grimacing when he felt the dried blood again. Sean’s blood. He’d forgotten he’d been using Sean’s phone. He set the phone down on the bed, he was getting that sinking nauseous feeling again. Going to bed seemed like his best option, for a few hours at least, Alex would be able to forget this had happened. Unless he had nightmares, of course, but he didn’t want to think about that.

Alex got up off the bed, heading towards his dresser. He’d only gotten his shirt halfway off before he didn’t really want to expend the energy on getting changed at all. He did pull his shirt the rest of the way off, but that was it.

Crawling into bed alone was the most miserable feeling that Alex had felt for a long time. On any other day Sean would be there to tug him close and hold him, and then depending on how tired they were they’d either talk for a while or just conk right out, sometimes they’d have sex, if neither one had anything to do the following morning. Sean had been home, and now he was gone. Sean had been the one who had finally driven it through Alex’s thick skull that Darwin’s death hadn’t been his fault. Sean had been the one who’d been with him every step of the way, even when Alex had been being stubborn dick too caught up in his own self loathing to do much of anything. Sean had never lost faith in him. When he and Sean had finally started dating something just clicked, and everything had felt so indescribably right. Sean had been home, and now he was gone.

As soon as Alex got settled into bed, all the tiredness he felt vanished. He felt suddenly and inexplicably wide awake, despite it being past midnight and it being an overall exhausting day. It was like his mind had gone into overdrive, and it wanted to keep replaying all the terrible events of that evening. Terrible events that Alex had hoped sleep would be a reprieve from, but that wasn’t going to work if his mind wasn’t going to let him sleep.

After about an hour of tossing and turning, Alex gave up and switched on the light. He reached for his phone to check the time. Half past one. Alex sighed, setting his phone back on the night stand. A half formed thought said that he should probably turn the alarm off on his phone, but Alex didn’t feel like he had the energy.

Instead he reached over and grabbed Sean’s pillow from the other side of the bed, curling around it and clinging to it like his life depended on it. If Alex was hoping it would make him feel better, he was wrong. It just made him feel worse. The pillow smelled like Sean and all it did was remind him that Sean wasn’t there. That he’d never be there anymore. Alex buried his face in the pillow, his shoulders shaking as he started sobbing. He cried until he couldn’t anymore, his sobbing gradually turning into nothing more sniffles and shaky breathing. It didn’t take long after that for Alex to finally fall asleep. There are few things more exhausting than crying.

 

When Alex woke the following morning, his head was pounding and his eyes felt raw. He groaned into the pillow in his arms, half wondering if he’d gotten drunk last night. It wasn’t until he shifted to reach for Sean, only to find a cold empty spot where Sean should have been, that he remembered. Almost immediately he felt his chest tighten, and he squeezed his eyes shut trying to hold back tears. A few deep breaths later and he felt calm enough to open his eyes, though he still felt like he’d burst into tears at the drop of a hat.

Despite how late he’d fallen asleep Alex had still managed to wake up before his alarm, and he jumped when it went off. Alex couldn’t find the energy to reach for his phone to turn off the alarm, so he just let it go for a solid twenty minutes before he got sick of hearing it and finally reached over to turn it off. He’d just set his phone back down on the nightstand when it went off again. Alex groaned, tilting the phone so he could see who was calling. It was Hank. Alex set the phone down and ignored it, rolling back over and curling around Sean’s pillow again.

Half an hour later Alex’s phone rang again. This time he didn’t even bother looking at who the caller was, and just blindly reached over and turned off his phone. He didn’t care if it was Hank again. Alex didn’t want to talk to anybody right now, and that absolutely included prying friends. Even if that prying was in his best interest. He didn’t particularly care what was in his best interest right now.

Alex eventually dozed off again, being depressed and weepy made a great recipe for sleeping. Even though, upon waking up again, Alex found he didn’t feel rested in the slightest. He tried to fall back asleep, but a sudden loud banging on the door shattered that hope. He buried his head until his pillow, hoping that whoever was banging on his door would take a hint and go away.

“Alex I know you’re in there,” he heard Hank call.

Alex huffed, he’d been really been hoping it was someone he could just ignore. Like his classmates coming to chew him out for not being in class on the day of their big presentation. Hank, however, Alex couldn’t ignore. Not because he didn’t want to, but because if he ignored Hank, Charles would send Raven next, and Raven though well intentioned, could be overbearing at times. Alex dragged himself out of bed, grabbing his discarded shirt from the day before to tug on as he headed to answer the door.

“The door was unlocked you know,” Alex said, as Hank stepped inside.

“Even so, I doubt you would have appreciated me just barging in,” Hank replied.

Alex shrugged. He honestly doubted he would have noticed until Hank was in the room with him.

“How are you holding up?”

“It hasn’t even been twenty four hours yet, how do you think?” Alex snapped.

“I’m sorry.”

Alex snorted, “You know what the worst part about all this is after the fact? The police officers didn’t want to do jack shit. They didn’t even bother to pretend that they were sorry. When they told me I needed to claim Sean’s body, there was no ‘I’m sorry for your loss’, no trying to be careful about breaking the news, just ‘We need you to come claim your friends body’. The man sounded bored, because mutants aren’t worth his time or effort. Sean’s death was an inconvenience for them, to the point that they couldn’t even pretend that they cared.”

Hank opened his mouth to say something, but Alex cut him off.

“I swear to god if you say something about how not all humans are like that like you did at the station, I don’t want to hear it. I get that there are humans on our side. I wouldn’t be at a regular university if there weren’t. But most humans aren’t, Hank. You don’t see it on a daily basis, holed up away at the mansion. There are people in my classes who wouldn’t speak to me if they knew I was a mutant, and other’s who’d do a hell of a lot worse. I don’t keep my ID in my wallet, because I don’t know what would happen if someone chanced to see it while I was paying for something. Sean kept his hidden behind a bunch of business cards. I’m fairly certain Raven keeps hers tucked in her bra. People hate mutants, and trying to survive in a world where you can’t tell who wants to kill you and who doesn’t really fucking sucks.”

Hank was silent for a moment before speaking, “You’re right. I don’t know exactly what it’s like to live as enveloped in human society as you do. But that doesn’t mean I don’t understand the dangers, and how awful and terrible people can be. And I wasn’t about to defend humans here. You were absolutely right when you said they didn’t care.”

Alex relaxed somewhat, “So what now? Are you here to tell me that I have to start boxing up Sean’s things?”

“You will eventually,” Hank said, “But today I just came to see how you were holding up.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” Alex mumbled.

“But I did,” Hank replied, “I’m your friend Alex, I’m not gonna let you suffer alone.” The unspoken ‘not like last time’ hung in the air.

Hank didn’t stay for long, and as he left he made Alex promise to turn his phone on so that he could keep Alex updated.

Alex had just nodded and shown Hank to the door.

Alex didn’t turn his phone back on, and for the next three days he ignored pretty much everyone’s attempts at contacting him. He’d turned off his laptop as well, so he wouldn’t have to deal with anything school related either. He had sent an email to his teachers saying he’d be out for the next week at least due to a ‘death in the family’, but he hadn’t bothered to see how or if they’d responded.

On the third day, Raven broke his door in.

“You’re paying for that,” Alex muttered, as Raven rounded the corner into the living room.

“So what happened to calling if you needed anything?”

“My phone’s been off.”

“Uh huh, not one of your better excuses,” Raven said, wrinkling her nose, “When was the last time you showered.”

Alex glared at Raven, “Yesterday, what you’re smelling is burnt food. Why are you here?”

“Sean’s funeral is tomorrow. Are you going?”

“You broke down my door to tell me that?”

“And you’re saying you didn’t want to know?”

Alex sighed, “No, you’re right. Thank you.”

“Oh, also Sean’s mom wants to come by to collect his things,” Raven said, “Charles told her that we had to talk to you first. He figured there were probably some things that you’d want to hold to.”

“Yeah,” Alex murmured. He should have realized this would happen, but if he was being honest with himself he’d been avoiding thinking about pretty much everything that had to do with Sean’s death.

“You want me stay for a bit or do you want me to leave?” Raven asked.

“I don’t care,” Alex mumbled.

“I’ll leave you alone then,” Raven said, turning to leave, “See you tomorrow.”

“Raven wait-” Alex called, “Where’s Sean being buried?”

“In the plot behind the mansion, next to where Darwin’s headstone is.”

Alex squeezed his eyes shut, breath catching in his throat. It had been what he’d hoped for, but at the same time it hurt to know that after tomorrow he’d be able to walk out to the graveyard behind the mansion and see the graves of the only two men he’d ever really loved, side by side.

“You need anything before I go?” Raven asked.

Alex shook his head, his eyes still shut tight. He knew if he opened them there was no guarantee he could keep himself from crying.

“I said this before and you didn’t listen so I’m gonna repeat myself. Call if you need anything.”

“Could you give me a ride tomorrow?” Alex asked.

“Yeah, I-I’ll be here at noon.”

“Thanks.”

Later that evening found Alex digging through various unpacked boxes, that had been shoved unceremoniously in the back of the hall closet, looking for the one suit he owned. He’d bought it for Darwin’s funeral and then sworn he’d never wear it again, though he hadn’t gotten rid of it. Just the fact that he had to dig it out again made him feel ill. When he found it, he promptly tossed it onto the couch and forgot about it for the rest of the night.

 

When Raven arrived the next morning, half an hour before she said she would, Alex was still in bed. He grumbled when Raven yanked away his covers, but he got up without complaint.

“Is it noon already?” Alex mumbled.

“No I came early,” Raven replied, “I wasn’t sure you’d be ready by noon if I didn’t come get you up.”

“Well you were right about that,” Alex muttered, “You mind leaving while I get dressed?”

“Yeah course, you want me to grab your suit from the other room?”

“What, oh, yeah- that would- thanks…”

Raven gave Alex a sad smiled before slipping out of the room to grab the suit that Alex had left tossed over the couch.

 

“I really hoped I’d never have to wear this suit again,” Alex said softly as he and Raven headed to her car.

“I’m surprised you kept it,” Raven admitted, “I figured you’d thrown it out.”

“Well, I didn’t,” Alex replied, climbing into the car, “Let’s just go.”

Raven looked like she wanted to say something, but she didn’t. She just climbed into the drivers seat and shoved the key into the ignition. “You ready for this?”

“Not at all.”

“Yeah, me neither.”

 

The funeral was a small affair, only about ten people total. Alex, Raven, Angel, Hank, the remaining four of Charles’ six original students, Charles, the four current students at the institute, and Sean’s mother.

All throughout the funeral Alex couldn’t help but wonder how Sean’s mother was taking all of this. Sean had never told her that he was a mutant. There’d been a lot that Sean had kept from her for fear of rejection, and now that it was all out in the open.

When Alex and Raven had arrived, Charles had asked Alex, if he felt up for giving Sean’s eulogy. Alex had agreed, somewhat reluctantly, after Raven pointed out that there was no one else who had known Sean as well as Alex. Angel gave Alex’s hand a gentle squeeze before Alex stepped forward to speak. He didn’t have anything written down, but he seriously doubted it would have mattered if he did. As Alex spoke he couldn’t help but notice the flicker of surprise of Mrs. Cassidy’s face, when he referred to Sean as his boyfriend. He felt a wave of guilt wash over him, she hadn’t known. And how could she have, that was one of many things on a long list of things that Sean had never told his family. Alex’s eyes were wet with tears when he finished, and Angel pulled him into a hug as soon as he stepped within arms reach again.

The service concluded not long after that, and Alex slipped away from the group. He didn’t much feel like staying to watch Sean’s coffin be covered with dirt. He didn’t go far as he had no way of leaving on his own, but he did go far enough so that he couldn’t see the graveyard anymore, before sinking down onto the first bench he found. Sean’s mother must have had a similar idea, because she joined Alex not five minutes later.

“So you were his boyfriend?” Mrs. Cassidy asked, seating herself on the bench next to Alex.

Alex nodded, “Sean wanted to tell you, but he was scared you’d hate him for it.”

“It sounds like there were a lot of things my son was too afraid to tell me.”

“I’m sorry.”

Mrs. Cassidy shook her head, “Don’t be. I’m just glad he had people to confide in.”

“I’m sorry you had to find out this way,” Alex said, “I just assumed Charles had already told you.”

“You had no way of knowing that he hadn’t.”

Alex let out out a breath that he hadn’t known he was holding. Part of him had worried that Sean’s mother would be angry with him, and he was very glad that she wasn’t. Or at least she didn’t appear to be.

“Are you heading home or will you be staying here tonight?” Mrs. Cassidy asked.

“Heading home,” Alex said, “As soon as Raven’s finished with whatever she’s doing.”

“She’s the blue one, right?”

Alex couldn’t help but give a small half smile, “Yeah that’s her.”

Raven had reverted to her natural appearance as soon as they’d arrived. She’d been a little on edge about doing so, until Alex had pointed out how much Sean had liked seeing Raven when she was blue.

“Was- was being a mutant what got Sean killed?” Mrs. Cassidy asked tentatively, “Professor Xavier, just said he was attacked, but it was because he was a mutant wasn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Alex nodded, “I’m sorry.” He could feel tears welling in his eyes again, and he blinked several times to try to keep them from falling, but he wasn’t entirely successful.

“And the police are doing nothing,” Mrs. Cassidy said, shaking her head, “You know I’d never even really considered the ‘mutant problem’ or whatever the politicians call it. I never thought it affected me in any way. I wish I’d known.”

Alex didn’t know what to say to that, and he couldn’t help but wonder what his own parents would think about his situation if they were still alive.

“How did your parents take it when they found out?” Mrs. Cassidy asked.

“They didn’t,” Alex said, “Both my parents died when I was little.”

“I’m sorry.”

Alex shrugged, “I think it’d feel worse if I could remember them.”

Raven appeared then, to tell Alex that she was ready to leave if he was.

Alex sighed, getting to his feet. He turned to face Sean’s mother, “You’re coming by tomorrow for Sean’s stuff?”

“Oh, yes, if that’s alright with you.”

“It’s fine,” Alex said, “I’ll see you then.”

“You sure you don’t want to spend the night here?” Raven asked, once they were both seated in the car.

“Are you spending the night here?”

“Okay fair enough,” Raven replied, “There are too many memories here.”

“Memories aren’t the problem for me,” Alex said, “It’s trying to grieve under the same roof as a telepath. Two telepaths now, since that girl’s here. What’s her name?”

“Jean,” Raven supplied, “And I know what you mean. I can’t speak for Jean, but Charles is just too nosy.”

“Yeah,” Alex muttered, leaning back in the seat.

“What do you plan on doing when you get home?”

“Sleep. Maybe burn this damn suit.”

Raven cracked a smile at that, “I’ll help you, I have lighter fluid.”

“On you? Right now?”

“Technically yes, it’s in the trunk.”

Alex sighed, “I should probably pack up Sean’s things.”

“You want help?”

Alex wanted to say no, that he didn’t need, but if he was being honest with himself, the thought of having to go through all of Sean’s things alone was just too overwhelming. “Yeah, help would- help would be great.”

This time when Raven smiled, it looked like she was holding back tears too.

 

Alex didn’t end up keeping very many of Sean’s things, mostly things he’d bought for Sean over the years. A few books and oddities, a couple of Sean’s shirts, and a jacket Sean had been fond of, were the only things that didn’t wind up packed away in Sean’s old steamer trunk. There were other things too, that were just too large and unwieldy for Sean’s mother to transport back with her via airplane. Alex had offered to have them sent to her, but she had declined.

As Alex sat on his bed, running through the events of the past week in his head, he tried to think of something, of anything that would make him feel something other than grief or anger. When Sean’s mother had left a few hours early, she’d given him a card with her number on it, telling him to call if he needed anything or if he just wanted to talk. Alex still wasn’t sure what to make of that, but he didn’t disregard it completely and had set the card on the nightstand where he could find it again easily.

He still didn’t want to believe that Sean was gone, but it felt more final every day. And yesterday, at the funeral, Alex had almost believed it. Now, with all of Sean’s things gone from the apartment, he couldn’t deny it anymore. Sean was gone, and while he couldn’t pretend that wasn’t in agony every second of the day, he still had to try to move forward.

 

**Author's Note:**

> For interested parties: The current students at the Xavier Institute are Jean Grey, Warren Worthington III, Ororo Munroe, and Bobby Drake.


End file.
